Maggies Hair Pulling Blog

As the end of 2009 comes creeping, I need to decide what my hair plan will be for next year. In 2009 I managed to find a new hair place to do my volumiser which was great! And I also managed to experiment with an amino acid supplement called N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC). At first I thought NAC was good but now I don't believe that it is a miracle cure. My pulling urges are the same as they ever were. Maybe next year I should go down the behavioural therapy route. The trouble is it costs so much. I once saw someone on the NHS but had to wait for 6 months and she wasn't very good. Private practices are better but they normally only work on weekdays and its tricky to find someone who has dealt with trich before. Often it is new for them and I end up being a bit of an experiment! I will need some kind of plan though as I don't want to give up. I have been trying to beat it for the last 4 years but so far no real joy. I know that I might not ever be able to stop but it seems so silly

Just washed my hair. I never pull my hair when it's wet and I know that this is the same for most people with tric . You can't get hold of the strands properly and your hair goes like elastic. It's feels nice to have a clean non-itchy head! I am home alone tonight so must be careful not to pull any while sitting on the sofa! It's much easier to control when other people are around as I am aware that they might see me do it! I live with my boyfriend and although he knows all about my hair pulling problem we don't often talk about it. I think I prefer it that way as it makes me feel more normal! I would really like to get rid of the volumiser now and have my normal hair back but unfortunately until I can stop pulling for good I don't think that will happen! I currently drive about 200 miles to get to the volumiser salon, however the man who owns it is planning to open more branches and so hopefully one will pop up near me!! It would be great to save the time and

I haven't written for a while because I have been busy and my hair pulling has gone back to how it was! NAC is not a miracle cure :( I don't remember the day that the pulling started again, but it was at least a couple of weeks ago. I had the volumiser tightened and then drove for 4 hours back home. It was tight and started to annoy me and I know I pulled a few then! I have also had lots on at work which has made me slightly anxious! Anxiety doesn't help the urges either. I know that I must try harder........... I'm still taking NAC and will continue to do so for now, but I know that willpower is also needed in this battle!! Time to do some housework now! At least it keeps my hands busy........

I have been very good for the past few weeks! Only pulled the odd hair here and there but yesteray was a bad day and I pulled about 30! I knew I was doing it so not sure why I didn't try harder to stop myself. It was a stressful day at work and pulling helps calm me. It feels satisfying when I pull and so I guess this is why I did it!! I will try hard not to have a bad day again because afterwards it always makes me feel sad. Better keep my hands busy and do some housework! :)

Over the last few years I have been using a hair forum to keep up to date with what's going on in the trich world: http://trich.co.uk/cgi-bin/uk-ttm-mb/discus.cgi The lady who runs it is called Louise, there is plenty of useful advice on it and I have made a few hair friends who I also now keep in contact with via text and the mighty facebook!! Forums are a good place to rant! If I ever feel like pulling then it helps to log on and have a little look around. Some people suffer a lot more than I do and so it's also nice to offer a few words of encouragement. Trich mentally drains you and although it doesn't stop me from having a relatively normal life, some people turn in to hermits and isolate themselves. This forum is for people in the UK and has different areas for different types of pulling. As well as hair pulling there is also eyebrow, eyelash, beard pulling etc. People pluck from all sorts of places!! The majority of pullers are female but you do get the odd man tha

It is now Wednesday and I haven't pulled a single hair in the past week!! I was out of the office today and had yesterday afternoon off work and so the routine of sitting at a desk all day has been slightly broken which helps. I have been determined this last week but I haven't had to fight off any really strong urges! Perhaps it really is the NAC (N-acetyl-cysteine) that is helping! I am taking 1200mg a day along with some vitamins, if I don't pull for a month then I KNOW it is this that is helping because in 20+ years I have never managed to not pull for that long. People with trich can often have good periods, but relapses are also common! Something will trigger a pulling session and then you could spend a good couple of hours plucking! Afterwards you always feel guilty and ashamed and know that you shouldn't have done it. The trouble with trich is that although you know you shouldn't, you really do have to pull!! It's very odd. Time for bed now, tiredness ma

Amazing! For the past 2 days I haven't pulled one hair, today is my third day of trying! I decided to try really hard a couple of days ago and I have been taking NAC for 10 weeks and so maybe it's a combination of these that is helping. I have managed pull free days before and so I am not over excited yet! It still feels good though. Last night I did have a couple of glasses of wine which has made me a it tired this morning! Tiredness is not good when you have trich so I will see how it makes me feel today. I am determined to keep going, grow hair grow............

Monday complete! Hair pulling wasn't too bad over the weekend. I had some long drives but managed to keep control. I still pulled a few but didn't have any zombie sessions! Went out drinking for a friends birthday on Saturday night. It's nice to go out now and have hair that is similar to other peoples!! Before I got the volumiser I always used to wear my hair up in a tight ponytail. Tomorrow I am going to try and not touch any hairs at all!!! Focus will be to pull none at all! :)

Weekend is nearly here! One more day in the office :) If I get an urge to touch my hair tomorrow I will try an exercise which involves tightening your fists for 2 mins. This uses hand muscles and apparently the urge can fade away! I will test it........

A few pics of my hair in August this year, I took them while having my volumiser adjusted and tightened. You normally have to have the whole thing taken off like this every 6 months. When they first take it off its like a tangled bird nest!! My boyfriend teases me that cockroaches will jump out of it! :) View from above, the top and front are still really thin! Side view, not doing too badly!

A few months ago a University student emailed me asking if I would take part in a short documentary on trichotillomania for her coursework. Her name was Jo, I said yes and so she came round to my house with a cameraman and list of questions. She found me via a hair forum along with a few others. We put a chair in the conservatory and practiced for a while before doing the real thing. I have never been filmed before and it’s amazing how self conscious it makes you feel, I made sure I wore black as apparently that makes you look thinner and noticed that I was purposefully pronouncing my t’s etc. Jo asked me how young I was when I started pulling, how it made me feel and what treatments I have looked into. We spoke a lot about Lucinda Ellery’s which is where I had my first volumiser fitted. Lucinda is the name of the lady that started the hair salon, she is a lovely bubbly lady, but unfortunately the cost of treatment just got too much there and so I had to leave. It was good to start wit

Oh dear, I have pulled quite a lot this weekend and I knew full well that I was doing it :( I have pulled a patch out on the right hand side that is about the size of a 50p, I will now have to wait for about 50 days before any new hairs grow back. The hair salon in Manchester suggested I get the volumiser net extended to cover the sides more and so I might have to do that! It always feels like failure if you have to get the net made bigger. I have read quite alot about hair growth and hairs don't just keep growing back forever! If you keep pulling them out, eventually they will stop growing and give up trying. The hair on the top of my head has been protected for the last 2 years by the volumiser but it is still very thin underneath. I fear that this hair may be damaged forever. My hair does try hard, but if I keep hurting it then eventually it will die. I must try hard this week to protect it!!!

What an awful day! Felt agitated sitting at my desk and also had a slight hangover after drinking a bottle of wine on the sofa last night!! I’m always fine with my hair in the morning, it is only in the afternoon that my hands start creeping!! I know that hair pulling urges are worse if I’m tired or agitated and so I really should try hard to distract myself. However when you are tired you just feel like sitting there :( Now I am home it is ok, I have some things to get on with and am focused! When I get in from work I usually try and keep busy, although dull, housework is the best thing I can do for my hair!! :) As well as pulling hairs out I sometimes scratch my head or pick it, I get angry and frustrated because I pull my hair and then I scratch myself to tell myself off!!! Having a punch bag would also help relieve frustration but I can't really keep one of them in the office!! I don't scratch that often but I do realise that I do it sometimes.

Just got back from Manchester after going there for the weekend to have my volumiser tightened and trimmed! It takes about 3.5 hours to get there and so is quite a mission! I did well though and managed not to touch my hair while driving there or back. The whole weekend has been pretty good and so i'm going to try really hard during the week not to touch either. I quite enjoy getting my hair done, before I had the volumiser fitted I hadn't been to a hairdresser for about 15 years. I always just trimmed it myself as I was too scared to show anyone how thin it was, I also hated the idea of anyone touching me! If trich was widely discussed and known about then I might not have minded, however it's a secretive problem that most people don't know exists. I get my hair done at a place called Hair Solved , it's a small friendly place where they make you feel quite normal and comfortable, there is also a chocolate shop next door which is amazing! :) Hair Solved: http://ww

Today was quite a bad day, my desk at work is hidden round a corner and it's easy to fiddle with my hair. If I'm focused on my work it's OK but if I start clock watching and wishing I was somewhere else my hands often creep towards my head. I guess hair pulling passes the time and distracts me from being bored! I tend not to do it in front of people and so it's quite dangerous being hidden around a corner! I pulled quite a few this afternoon, I always hate it afterwards but at the time I just can't resist :( I always pull hairs out one by one and when I'm doing it I'm always searching for the 'right one'! If a hair comes out without it's root then it's a failure. I hate hairs being in my head if they feel different or are rough in texture, these ones are the good ones that have to come out!! I dread the day I go grey because I can't handle the thought of 'odd' hairs being there, I like them all to be smooth and the same. I will tr

The trouble with the volumiser (or the mop!) is that you can't take it off and after it has been tightened it is hard to clean your head properly. You have to wash your head through the net which is a bit like trying to wash your feet while you still have your socks on! :) When the volumiser is tightened (every 6 weeks) it feels like you have just had your hair braided, I tend to have a few glasses of wine after an appointment to help ease the head ache it causes. I am used to it now but at first it was really uncomfortable and I felt like ripping the whole thing off! It's a bit like getting used to wearing a hat 24/7 or maybe like trying to get used to wearing glasses. As your hair grows the volumiser gets loser, after just a couple of weeks it begins to wiggle about a bit and is much easier to clean! It feels so nice when you can get your fingers underneath to shampoo your scalp properly! I also have to use a really rich conditioner on the volumiser as there is no natural oil

I have just had a weekend away in Brighton and my hair pulling was minimal, I may have pulled 1 or 2 hairs by accident but I never consciously got an urge and had to do it! It was a busy weekend which mainly involved shopping, eating and drinking :) I love Brighton, there is always something new to discover or someone odd to look at! Before the weekend I was doing a bit more research into the supplement NAC that I am taking and apparently if you take it along with vitamin C and B1 it can 'prevent and relieve symptoms of veisalgia (hangover following ethanol (alcohol) consumption).' What a brilliant extra plus side to it!! :) No hangover and no hair pulling!

To help stop the pulling urges I am trying the latest suggestion for helping with trich which is an amino acid called N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC). A trial was held where 56% of people saw an improvement after 9 weeks. The BBC wrote an article about it: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8132387.stm I have been taking 1200mg a day for the past 5 weeks and so fingers crossed I will see an improvement soon. If the urges are not as strong then hopefully I will be able to control myself more. I'm not betting on it but anything is worth a try! :)

Today I mainly had a hangover. Wine and cocktails in a local bar were to blame. Pina coladas taste so nice that I forget they have shots of alcohol in them!! As a result of the hangover I spent the day rotting on the sofa! :) At the moment I can quite happily go out for an evening and not worry about people noticing my thin hair because I wear a volumiser. A volumiser is a bit like a wig but you can't take it off. It is made of real human hair and even has a fake parting. Your own hair gets pulled through a net and then secured with little metal clips like extensions. You don't need much of your own hair to wear one which is good! If there are any really bald patches then the net is stuck in place with double sided tape. Volumisers are fitted in salons and then you have to go back every 6 weeks to get it tightened. I have been wearing a volumiser for two and a half years now and have tried two different salons. Although it looks good the cost has been horrendous!! I have swappe

Right now I still pull hairs out everyday. I try not to, and sometimes it may only be one or two hairs but I still get the urge everyday. I try to put barriers up to stop me from doing it, for example I have gloves in the car. If I wear gloves I can't pull, it's just remembering to wear them! I hardly ever pull in the mornings, it seems to start after about 1pm and it depends what I'm doing as to whether an urge will come or not. Urges seem to be worse if I'm tired, bored, watching TV, on the phone, anxious, reading, waiting for something, angry etc. If I'm busy and in a placid state of mind I tend not to pull. Routine also makes it worse, if I'm on holiday then my hair usually gets a break from my plucking claws ! So ideally I just keep myself busy and go on holiday everyday! :) Gardening and physical work is also good for stopping the urges, it's just a shame I work in an office and sit at a desk for 8 hours............ As well as having urges to pull, th

Over the last 3 years I have been searching for a cure! I know that I want to stop plucking but I just can't do it on my own. I can sometimes stop for a few days if I concentrate really hard, but I can't stop the urge to want to pull and when I am feeling slightly weak the urge always wins!! Well it has for the last 20 years anyway! Treatments I have tried so far........ Hypnotism Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Prozac & HTP -5 Neuro Linguistic Programming Self Help Books Volumiser NAC supplement - trying now

After school I went to college, had a gap year and then went to Uni. During these years my hair pulling went up and down. I had the most amount of hair during my gap year, I went travelling and keeping busy and not being in a routine seems to help a lot with trich. 'Trich' is a nickname that people often use for Trichotillomania! By the time I left Uni my hair was quite bad! I still wore it up in a pony tail but you could see that it was really thin. Everyone knew that there was something wrong but I never spoke about it and avoided people's questions. At this time I was also in denial to myself that it was a real problem, I always thought that if I tried hard enough I could just stop....... I couldn't stop and so in January 2006 I decided to look for help. My first stop was the doctor!!! I had a discussion with the doctor but they didn't know of a cure. They suggested I try taking Prozac and go on the waiting list for some Behavioural Therapy, I went ahead and tr

When I started Secondary School I had no hair at all. There was a small rat tail left but mum chopped it off with scissors. A few people mistook me for a boy but apart from that it didn't cause me too much trouble. I would have expected to be bullied but surprisingly I wasn't really. I think it was worse in Primary School, I remember someones dad once referring to me as the Bald Eagel ! By year 8 I had plenty of friends and my hair was growing back. I don't know why my hair improved in Secondary School, I guess I realised that looks were quite important and so tried hard to stop pulling. After a while my hair grew long enough to wear in a pony tail, this covered a few of the bald patches and made me feel a bit more normal. I continued to wear my hair in a pony tail (with plenty of hairspray) for the the next 13 years. I had to use hairspray to keep all the spiky new hairs from sticking up. Before I pulled it out, my hair was blonde and straight, but when the new hairs grew

My hair story does drag on, there have been tears, tantrums, denial and fights. I have rowed with my family and hated myself. At the age of 9 my parents dragged me to the doctor because my hair was 'falling' out. It was all over the carpet and was getting noticeably thinner, I swore that I had no idea why it was falling out and was horrified when the truth finally came out. I tried to deny it but they knew!!! I did manage to keep the secret for quite a while, it wasn't until I got referred to a specialist that the truth came out. I remember that my parents had to pay for this 'specialist' and although I felt terribly guilty I just couldn't tell them that I was doing it to myself! In order to find out what the problem was he had to take hair samples which involved him pulling a few hairs from my head! I remember that this horrified me because I knew they wouldn't find anything wrong! Once my parents knew the truth the worry they previously had turned to ang

I have a rather peculiar problem, since the age of about 9 I have been pulling out my hair . I call it a problem because I wish I didn't do it. The logical side of my brain tells me that it is wrong to pull my hair out but the 'confused' side of my brain tells me that I want to do it and that it feels nice. My conscious mind always sides with the logical part of my brain but the confused side always seems to win. Sometimes it feels like I have two little demons battling with each other. I want the bad one to go away but it won't. I am now 27 and really have had enough of this hair pulling nonsense! I pluck the hairs out of my head one by one and so far nothing positive has come from it. Hair pulling does actually have a proper name, Trichotillomania. But even with it's long and interesting sounding name I don't want it. So the point of this blog is to keep track the hairy part of my life, it might help me pull less and it might inspire others to keep their chi