Maggies Hair Pulling Blog

Wow! 7 years have gone by and I forgot all about this blog. I logged in with the intention of deleting it but actually I think I’ll write something instead... My mum died nearly 5 years ago and her cancer diagnosis, illness and death were the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. It was like a whirlwind of emotion and really painful at times. Mum became our focus and centre of life and we did everything we could to care for her mentally and physically. I feel like I can breath again now though.... life is normal... ish.  I had a baby! She’s 3 and is a little miracle. Born with just one lung and other complications she amazes us everyday with how well she is. She doesn’t take any medication and can do everything that any other child can do. I still have trichotillomania. I carried on wearing hair systems for a number of years and then in 2019 I decided to shave my hair and embraced the bald look. I had scalp micropigmentation (SMP) done to give me a buzz cut look, bought some woolly...

My Trichotillomania has now taken a major back seat! I still pull everyday and wear a permanent wig to cover up the bald patches. It's annoying to live with a hair hat 'thing' fixed to my head all the time and it gets itchy but I'm used to it so it has become normal. I can't imagine not wearing a wig now. My hair follicles have been permanently damaged by all the years of pulling so the hope of growing a full head of hair now is pretty slim. But I think I have accepted that and now trich doesn't really bother me. I used to get upset about it and frustrated but now I think there are more important things to worry about and l can still enjoy life without proper hair!! Some people have it a lot worse so out of all of the problems you can have as a human, I think hair pulling is a pretty mild one to have been dealt. Found out my mum as incurable cancer recently - this is a real problem. I would pull my arms and legs off, as well as all my hair out to fix her.

I was contacted by a media company recently who write articles for newspapers, magazines etc. they were interested in my trichotillomania story. I've done one magazine article before and thought I wanted to do more but in the back of my mind I can see people from work reading it so I declined! I'm slightly annoyed with myself as there should be more awareness of the condition, but at the same time I manage a team of people and don't want this to look like a weakness! The office environment can be rather tough and people love a bit of gossip!! When I retire in about 40 years then I might reconsider.... 

Since using twitter I haven't posted many updates. Twitter is quick and easily accessible from my mobile! My hair is still shit, the sides and front are bald. I'm now using tape at the front of my volumiser in an attempt to let it recover a bit. The connections used to pull my hair out and there was hardly any there anyway! I used to use Fullmore on the sides which helped but I have recently joined a hot yoga class and you sweat like a beast!! The dye in Fullmore would drip everywhere and I would get in a right state :/ I have no idea how to stop pulling my hair out. I have tried so many things!! I'm not pulling my hair right this second and so I know that I don't need to, or feel like doing it every second of the day! I just need to figure out the secret to the non-pulling state and keep it all day..... This is a bit weird but I sometimes think that if I broke my arms and couldn't touch my hair for several weeks then maybe that would break the spell...

I was driving in to town today and saw a confused.com advert on the back of a bus. The main reason I noticed it was because it had a large logo of a cartoon character pulling at their hair. I know there is saying about wanting to tear your hair out but I guess most people have no idea that people actually do this. I'm not sure if people also tear their out out in a frenzy, I guess maybe they do. When you have trichotillomania you pull your hairs out one by one and so not quite in the same way that the confused.com person is doing it! This logo actually bothers me quite a bit, its a reminder of my problem and the character also has crossed eyes as if it is crazy as well. I know their are worse problems its just sad to be reminded of it everywhere you go, and you can't really escape advertising when it is everywhere around us!

Unfortunately my hair article is now being moved to November's Psychologies Magazine issue. The pictures were taken on a rainy day and apparently look quite wintry, they also have to jiggle articles around depending on themes etc. It doesn't really matter though.... There was recently an article in The Sun newspaper which is good, I know it has a wide distribution and so any public awareness is good! If you Google Trichotillomania and The Sun you will find it :) My hair pulling is still going on although weight gain is currently my biggest issue! Size 12 is getting tight! I know that the gym and less chocolate is the key, however the key is a bit rusty!! I also rather like wine! Worrying about things like this of course makes my hair pulling worse!!! The front is still thin, this whole hair business never seems to end! But the wekend is coming and that is always a positive :)

Every year there is a pic nic called tric nic. The one I have heard about is held in Regents Park in London. This year it on the 19th June. The lady who organises it ties a purple ribbon around 2 deck chairs so that you can identify the group, you can then just join in! I haven't been to one before but the general idea is to just meet up and mingle. I don't think it attracts a big crowd but it's still nice to know that there are other people out there that you can talk too face to face. I might try and go this year, I wonder what we will all talk about............ :) I have also discovered a good website this week: http://www.trichotillomania.co.uk Lots of registered users and forums to chat in. Although it's hard I must stay focused on trying to stop!

Click below to read an interesting case study on trichotillomania , it is all so similar!!! Case study It calls it an OC Spectrum Disorder, I haven't heard that term before but it can be summarised as: 'People with OC Spectrum Disorders find it impossible to resist urges to behave in a way that they know is ultimately harmful, either to themselves or others.' This is definitely true of my hair pulling, it is impossible to resist long term. Some days are good but overall I haven't stopped yet, and it has been going on for over 20 years!!! :(

Over the last few years I have been using a hair forum to keep up to date with what's going on in the trich world: http://trich.co.uk/cgi-bin/uk-ttm-mb/discus.cgi The lady who runs it is called Louise, there is plenty of useful advice on it and I have made a few hair friends who I also now keep in contact with via text and the mighty facebook!! Forums are a good place to rant! If I ever feel like pulling then it helps to log on and have a little look around. Some people suffer a lot more than I do and so it's also nice to offer a few words of encouragement. Trich mentally drains you and although it doesn't stop me from having a relatively normal life, some people turn in to hermits and isolate themselves. This forum is for people in the UK and has different areas for different types of pulling. As well as hair pulling there is also eyebrow, eyelash, beard pulling etc. People pluck from all sorts of places!! The majority of pullers are female but you do get the odd man tha...

Amazing! For the past 2 days I haven't pulled one hair, today is my third day of trying! I decided to try really hard a couple of days ago and I have been taking NAC for 10 weeks and so maybe it's a combination of these that is helping. I have managed pull free days before and so I am not over excited yet! It still feels good though. Last night I did have a couple of glasses of wine which has made me a it tired this morning! Tiredness is not good when you have trich so I will see how it makes me feel today. I am determined to keep going, grow hair grow............

A few months ago a University student emailed me asking if I would take part in a short documentary on trichotillomania for her coursework. Her name was Jo, I said yes and so she came round to my house with a cameraman and list of questions. She found me via a hair forum along with a few others. We put a chair in the conservatory and practiced for a while before doing the real thing. I have never been filmed before and it’s amazing how self conscious it makes you feel, I made sure I wore black as apparently that makes you look thinner and noticed that I was purposefully pronouncing my t’s etc. Jo asked me how young I was when I started pulling, how it made me feel and what treatments I have looked into. We spoke a lot about Lucinda Ellery’s which is where I had my first volumiser fitted. Lucinda is the name of the lady that started the hair salon, she is a lovely bubbly lady, but unfortunately the cost of treatment just got too much there and so I had to leave. It was good to start wit...

Just got back from Manchester after going there for the weekend to have my volumiser tightened and trimmed! It takes about 3.5 hours to get there and so is quite a mission! I did well though and managed not to touch my hair while driving there or back. The whole weekend has been pretty good and so i'm going to try really hard during the week not to touch either. I quite enjoy getting my hair done, before I had the volumiser fitted I hadn't been to a hairdresser for about 15 years. I always just trimmed it myself as I was too scared to show anyone how thin it was, I also hated the idea of anyone touching me! If trich was widely discussed and known about then I might not have minded, however it's a secretive problem that most people don't know exists. I get my hair done at a place called Hair Solved , it's a small friendly place where they make you feel quite normal and comfortable, there is also a chocolate shop next door which is amazing! :) Hair Solved: http://ww...

Today was quite a bad day, my desk at work is hidden round a corner and it's easy to fiddle with my hair. If I'm focused on my work it's OK but if I start clock watching and wishing I was somewhere else my hands often creep towards my head. I guess hair pulling passes the time and distracts me from being bored! I tend not to do it in front of people and so it's quite dangerous being hidden around a corner! I pulled quite a few this afternoon, I always hate it afterwards but at the time I just can't resist :( I always pull hairs out one by one and when I'm doing it I'm always searching for the 'right one'! If a hair comes out without it's root then it's a failure. I hate hairs being in my head if they feel different or are rough in texture, these ones are the good ones that have to come out!! I dread the day I go grey because I can't handle the thought of 'odd' hairs being there, I like them all to be smooth and the same. I will tr...

To help stop the pulling urges I am trying the latest suggestion for helping with trich which is an amino acid called N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC). A trial was held where 56% of people saw an improvement after 9 weeks. The BBC wrote an article about it: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8132387.stm I have been taking 1200mg a day for the past 5 weeks and so fingers crossed I will see an improvement soon. If the urges are not as strong then hopefully I will be able to control myself more. I'm not betting on it but anything is worth a try! :)

Right now I still pull hairs out everyday. I try not to, and sometimes it may only be one or two hairs but I still get the urge everyday. I try to put barriers up to stop me from doing it, for example I have gloves in the car. If I wear gloves I can't pull, it's just remembering to wear them! I hardly ever pull in the mornings, it seems to start after about 1pm and it depends what I'm doing as to whether an urge will come or not. Urges seem to be worse if I'm tired, bored, watching TV, on the phone, anxious, reading, waiting for something, angry etc. If I'm busy and in a placid state of mind I tend not to pull. Routine also makes it worse, if I'm on holiday then my hair usually gets a break from my plucking claws ! So ideally I just keep myself busy and go on holiday everyday! :) Gardening and physical work is also good for stopping the urges, it's just a shame I work in an office and sit at a desk for 8 hours............ As well as having urges to pull, th...

Over the last 3 years I have been searching for a cure! I know that I want to stop plucking but I just can't do it on my own. I can sometimes stop for a few days if I concentrate really hard, but I can't stop the urge to want to pull and when I am feeling slightly weak the urge always wins!! Well it has for the last 20 years anyway! Treatments I have tried so far........ Hypnotism Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Prozac & HTP -5 Neuro Linguistic Programming Self Help Books Volumiser NAC supplement - trying now

I have a rather peculiar problem, since the age of about 9 I have been pulling out my hair . I call it a problem because I wish I didn't do it. The logical side of my brain tells me that it is wrong to pull my hair out but the 'confused' side of my brain tells me that I want to do it and that it feels nice. My conscious mind always sides with the logical part of my brain but the confused side always seems to win. Sometimes it feels like I have two little demons battling with each other. I want the bad one to go away but it won't. I am now 27 and really have had enough of this hair pulling nonsense! I pluck the hairs out of my head one by one and so far nothing positive has come from it. Hair pulling does actually have a proper name, Trichotillomania. But even with it's long and interesting sounding name I don't want it. So the point of this blog is to keep track the hairy part of my life, it might help me pull less and it might inspire others to keep their chi...