Maggies Hair Pulling Blog

My Trichotillomania has now taken a major back seat! I still pull everyday and wear a permanent wig to cover up the bald patches. It's annoying to live with a hair hat 'thing' fixed to my head all the time and it gets itchy but I'm used to it so it has become normal. I can't imagine not wearing a wig now. My hair follicles have been permanently damaged by all the years of pulling so the hope of growing a full head of hair now is pretty slim. But I think I have accepted that and now trich doesn't really bother me. I used to get upset about it and frustrated but now I think there are more important things to worry about and l can still enjoy life without proper hair!! Some people have it a lot worse so out of all of the problems you can have as a human, I think hair pulling is a pretty mild one to have been dealt. Found out my mum as incurable cancer recently - this is a real problem. I would pull my arms and legs off, as well as all my hair out to fix her.

I have started tweeting about trich! Twitter is easy to access from my phone & I'm hoping it will help me control the urges. I can tweet instead of pull. I'm hoping that it will also help me connect with other sufferers. Tweet tweet twoo!! :) http://twitter.com/#!/MagMop

Hair picture from July 2010 taken in the bathroom. I have decided to take some more pictures, they help keep me focused and remind me of what my hair is really like :/ This picture was taken when my volumiser was due for a tighten, I lifted it up so I could take a picture of my hair underneath. Compared to how it has been it wasn't too bad, but it wasn't good enough to leave it uncovered! I might start a picture book as well, follow my progress! At the moment I can't imagine having a full head of hair but maybe one day!

I have had a bad few days of pulling, the volumiser is annoying me and I want it gone!! It can't be taken off though :( My hair is still thin at the sides and I have recently pulled from there! Luckily I have left the front and top alone though because I really need that to grow! Decided to keep a hair diary in my bag and to put gloves in the car again, it's too easy to slip up in the car and if I feel like pulling I will use the diary to scribble in instead. I haven't pulled any so far today which is a positive start, I will forget about the last few days and start from now!!

If the publishers have sorted it all out, then my hair article should be in next months Psychologies Magazine! I've just got my fingers crossed that work people don't see because I work with a bunch of developers and they might take the micky! :/ They also might not, but still! I had my volumiser tightened on Saturday, nearly a week ago now and next time I'm having more blond put in to it. Slowly changing colour! My hair isn't great at the moment but it's still growing because I can see the dark roots from when I had my own hair dyed a few months ago. Just need to leave alone..... I now have a busy weekend ahead! Train journey to London tomorrow and then off to a masked ball! :)

I still don't know why I can't stop pulling my hair out. I know it's wrong, I know that it might not grow back and still I pull. It's better than it used to be but I just want to stop!!! Sometimes I look in the mirror and find hairs to pull, knowing full well that I shouldn't. The hair at the front of my head is so thin! I can't imagine it growing back properly now. I still wear a volumiser and probably will for quite a while, at least that makes me look normal!! :( Although the hair situation always haunts me and is always there, I do mainly just get on with it! Next week i'm away in Greece and so hopefully I will be able to relax and focus on leaving well alone!! The sunshine will also be rather nice :)

I had my suspicions that someone I had recently met also had trich and now I know that she does! She has spiky hair on the sides and top of her head which is quite a good sign! I was out with her on Friday evening and mentioned that I pulled my hair and that I wear a volumiser . She then admitted that she did too! I had drunk quite a lot which made it easier to talk but I think I'm glad I did. She said that she just thought she was some kind of freak, she had no idea it had a name or was a medical condition! Hopefully she will now Google the subject and won't feel so odd. Like me she said that she has kept the problem secret for years and was worried what other people might think. It is interesting to now know someone else with this problem, I said that she is welcome to talk to be any time.

Today I had a photographer and make up artist come to my house to do a photo shoot for a magazine - once it's published I will post a link. The article will be all about my hair pulling!! It's quite scary to know that everyone will know about my problem, but at the same time I think it's important to raise awareness, when I was younger there was no information at all. I don't mind my friends seeing it, but I know that I will be quite anxious and will have fingers crossed that work colleagues don't see it. There is something uncomfortable about office gossip........ If people do see it then it wont be the end of the world. I also hope that it doesn't embarrass my boyfriend or family, I'm sure it wont but I didn't really think about that part when I said yes. Overall I am glad I am doing it, it's still a bit scary though! :) This weekend I have a long drive up north to visit a friend and so I will make sure I wear gloves. I don't want to slip up ...

It's nearly Feb and I haven't made a 2010 hair plan yet! I'm still pulling my hair out every day and I can't stop, the sides and front are quite bad at the moment :( I had my volumiser tightened on saturday which was good and then in 5 weeks time I will have it all taken off and re-allinged. I think they will need to extend the net a bit because the sides need more cover. I'm so bored of having this hair prolem now, I just wish there was a cure!!! Maybe I should splint my arms straight!

Just washed my hair. I never pull my hair when it's wet and I know that this is the same for most people with tric . You can't get hold of the strands properly and your hair goes like elastic. It's feels nice to have a clean non-itchy head! I am home alone tonight so must be careful not to pull any while sitting on the sofa! It's much easier to control when other people are around as I am aware that they might see me do it! I live with my boyfriend and although he knows all about my hair pulling problem we don't often talk about it. I think I prefer it that way as it makes me feel more normal! I would really like to get rid of the volumiser now and have my normal hair back but unfortunately until I can stop pulling for good I don't think that will happen! I currently drive about 200 miles to get to the volumiser salon, however the man who owns it is planning to open more branches and so hopefully one will pop up near me!! It would be great to save the time and...

I have been very good for the past few weeks! Only pulled the odd hair here and there but yesteray was a bad day and I pulled about 30! I knew I was doing it so not sure why I didn't try harder to stop myself. It was a stressful day at work and pulling helps calm me. It feels satisfying when I pull and so I guess this is why I did it!! I will try hard not to have a bad day again because afterwards it always makes me feel sad. Better keep my hands busy and do some housework! :)

It is now Wednesday and I haven't pulled a single hair in the past week!! I was out of the office today and had yesterday afternoon off work and so the routine of sitting at a desk all day has been slightly broken which helps. I have been determined this last week but I haven't had to fight off any really strong urges! Perhaps it really is the NAC (N-acetyl-cysteine) that is helping! I am taking 1200mg a day along with some vitamins, if I don't pull for a month then I KNOW it is this that is helping because in 20+ years I have never managed to not pull for that long. People with trich can often have good periods, but relapses are also common! Something will trigger a pulling session and then you could spend a good couple of hours plucking! Afterwards you always feel guilty and ashamed and know that you shouldn't have done it. The trouble with trich is that although you know you shouldn't, you really do have to pull!! It's very odd. Time for bed now, tiredness ma...

Weekend is nearly here! One more day in the office :) If I get an urge to touch my hair tomorrow I will try an exercise which involves tightening your fists for 2 mins. This uses hand muscles and apparently the urge can fade away! I will test it........

What an awful day! Felt agitated sitting at my desk and also had a slight hangover after drinking a bottle of wine on the sofa last night!! I’m always fine with my hair in the morning, it is only in the afternoon that my hands start creeping!! I know that hair pulling urges are worse if I’m tired or agitated and so I really should try hard to distract myself. However when you are tired you just feel like sitting there :( Now I am home it is ok, I have some things to get on with and am focused! When I get in from work I usually try and keep busy, although dull, housework is the best thing I can do for my hair!! :) As well as pulling hairs out I sometimes scratch my head or pick it, I get angry and frustrated because I pull my hair and then I scratch myself to tell myself off!!! Having a punch bag would also help relieve frustration but I can't really keep one of them in the office!! I don't scratch that often but I do realise that I do it sometimes.

I have just had a weekend away in Brighton and my hair pulling was minimal, I may have pulled 1 or 2 hairs by accident but I never consciously got an urge and had to do it! It was a busy weekend which mainly involved shopping, eating and drinking :) I love Brighton, there is always something new to discover or someone odd to look at! Before the weekend I was doing a bit more research into the supplement NAC that I am taking and apparently if you take it along with vitamin C and B1 it can 'prevent and relieve symptoms of veisalgia (hangover following ethanol (alcohol) consumption).' What a brilliant extra plus side to it!! :) No hangover and no hair pulling!

Right now I still pull hairs out everyday. I try not to, and sometimes it may only be one or two hairs but I still get the urge everyday. I try to put barriers up to stop me from doing it, for example I have gloves in the car. If I wear gloves I can't pull, it's just remembering to wear them! I hardly ever pull in the mornings, it seems to start after about 1pm and it depends what I'm doing as to whether an urge will come or not. Urges seem to be worse if I'm tired, bored, watching TV, on the phone, anxious, reading, waiting for something, angry etc. If I'm busy and in a placid state of mind I tend not to pull. Routine also makes it worse, if I'm on holiday then my hair usually gets a break from my plucking claws ! So ideally I just keep myself busy and go on holiday everyday! :) Gardening and physical work is also good for stopping the urges, it's just a shame I work in an office and sit at a desk for 8 hours............ As well as having urges to pull, th...

When I started Secondary School I had no hair at all. There was a small rat tail left but mum chopped it off with scissors. A few people mistook me for a boy but apart from that it didn't cause me too much trouble. I would have expected to be bullied but surprisingly I wasn't really. I think it was worse in Primary School, I remember someones dad once referring to me as the Bald Eagel ! By year 8 I had plenty of friends and my hair was growing back. I don't know why my hair improved in Secondary School, I guess I realised that looks were quite important and so tried hard to stop pulling. After a while my hair grew long enough to wear in a pony tail, this covered a few of the bald patches and made me feel a bit more normal. I continued to wear my hair in a pony tail (with plenty of hairspray) for the the next 13 years. I had to use hairspray to keep all the spiky new hairs from sticking up. Before I pulled it out, my hair was blonde and straight, but when the new hairs grew...

I have a rather peculiar problem, since the age of about 9 I have been pulling out my hair . I call it a problem because I wish I didn't do it. The logical side of my brain tells me that it is wrong to pull my hair out but the 'confused' side of my brain tells me that I want to do it and that it feels nice. My conscious mind always sides with the logical part of my brain but the confused side always seems to win. Sometimes it feels like I have two little demons battling with each other. I want the bad one to go away but it won't. I am now 27 and really have had enough of this hair pulling nonsense! I pluck the hairs out of my head one by one and so far nothing positive has come from it. Hair pulling does actually have a proper name, Trichotillomania. But even with it's long and interesting sounding name I don't want it. So the point of this blog is to keep track the hairy part of my life, it might help me pull less and it might inspire others to keep their chi...